Thank you to everyone who prayed for Hollie. She went to be with her Lord on Thursday. She will be greatly missed by not only me, but our small group of LMS friends who talk often. Today our group was able to cry and be mad about how unfair it is that she was taken from us so quickly and so young. She will be missed. I now lift up her husband and children in prayer as they learn to live their earthly lives without her smiling face at their sides.

This morning I went to the Cancer Center at Bergan Mercy to have my third Lupron shot. I also got my port flushed. I kinda felt like a car getting a tune up. An injection….a flush…. Anyhow, this officially starts my third month on Anastrozole, an aromatase inhibitor. I have had quite a bit of joint pain although the last three days I have felt better. I specifically have pain in my feet and it was better. So we’ll see if the Lupron shots are making the joint pain worse or not. I had this weird dream that I ran into our former parish priest, Fr. Michael Voithofer. He knew my feet were hurting and he knelt down to wash my feet, like they do on Holy Thursday’s Mass during Lent. He placed my feet in warm water and started to massage my calves and feet. If you know me well at all, I do NOT let people touch my feet. I am extremely ticklish and now with having had hand/foot syndrome for a year, my feet are very sensitive (although it is getting sooo much better now that I am off the chemo). I had been waking up and my arches were cramping and by feet were so stiff it was hard to walk until I really got moving. That morning I rotated and stretched my feet in bed before getting up, as I had been getting in the habit of doing and I didn’t have pain and my feet weren’t so stiff and tight. I was telling Lily and Rich about my dream. They thought I was a little crazy. I think it was divine intervention. I am sticking to it.

On June 1, I will have my CT scans of my chest, abd, and pelvis to see if these drugs are working. I will then teleconference with my sarcoma specialist at the Mayo Clinic on Jun 10th to see if I will continue with these AI’s or if I will have to go back on some kind of chemo. We have three trips planned in June and July, so noting having to throw in a new chemo there would be nice. I will meet with my local oncologist on June 11th to talk to him about what my specialist has recommended. Fingers crossed, I will then get another Lupron shot and move on to my next 3 months on Anastrozole. Anyhow, that is the medical itinerary I have set up for now. I did see a new optometrist on Thursday that I really liked. He was really helpful with helping me see better. We are going to try a couple of contact combinations over the next few weeks and see which one works best for me. I can already see better with the trial pair I have in now. I also have a pair of glasses on order that should fit me much better and allow me to see better than the current pair I have. Now to wait for them to be made and arrive.

I have been able to go back to Mass on the weekends as my parish is doing good physical distancing and people are still required to wear masks at most of the Masses. I have been able to see some people I hold close to my heart in person for the first time in 15 months. There have been tears and long, tight hugs that feel so absolutely wonderful. Today is the Feast of the Ascension of Jesus, a holy day of obligation here in Omaha. (some diocese celebrate this on the weekend – but we celebrate it on the day). I took Lily to school, spent an hour at the hospital for my “tune-up”, took a 90 minute walk with Rich and Tallinn at Lake Zorinsky, did some bookkeeping, went to Mass, grabbed a few groceries and spent some time doing some writing, reading and then listening to an audio book on the back porch with Tallinn in the sunshine. I am loving not being on Doxil and being able to be in the sunshine! I have been taking Tai Chi classes via zoom with a cancer support group here in Omaha for the last 6 weeks or so. Tonight was the last one. I have two black belts and nearly another in martial arts. I gave it the college try. It is just too slow for me. I can do the form that I learned though and I met a lot of neat people locally via zoom. That zoom meeting moved right into another one that had my sarcoma specialist from the Mayo Clinic as the guest speaker at a National LMS Foundation meeting. This is a great group of people living with LMS that have doctors and researchers and other various roles speak to us a couple of times a month. We are from all over the country and the zoom meetings are a chance to talk to specialists and ask questions. After the presentation is complete, the speaker leaves the meeting and we all chat about what is going on in our lives and ask each other questions. Tonight there was a gentleman in California who had questions about ports…about chemo. He is just starting on his journey with LMS. It is so nice to be able to answer some questions and support others.

About helping others with LMS….I have a couple of people I have met online that I have gotten close to. Katie up in Montana died 3 weeks short of me being able to meet her in person. I have a friend in the UK named Marie who I have bonded with. However, there is a woman in South Dakota that I have really spent a lot of time online with over the last….goodness…almost a year now. She was diagnosed several months after me. Her name is Hollie and we texted each other several times a week. Having LMS is like having a baby. You really can’t understand what it is like unless you have also been through it. Hollie and I were going through the trenches together with LMS and chemo. She could text me and ask me if Doxil made my armpits look a weird color, as if they were dirty. Well, yes, it does. We could lament about how it felt to be a mom with kids at home watching this horrible thing happen. Hollie is younger than I am and has younger kids….like not even teens yet younger. We could talk about the impact the illness we both have had on our husbands…on our marriages. I last spoke with Hollie Monday night…late. She had sent me pictures of her and her oldest daughter hugging in a hospital bed. She had some blood work issues and ended up in the hospital. She had some procedures done to correct the problem and then everything just went to hell in a handbasket. Her organs started to shut down and she decided to go home on hospice this week. She had to tell her kids on Mother’s Day that she wasn’t going to be around much longer. I spoke to her Monday night….trying to console her about her leaving her kids. I sent messages Tuesday and Wednesday and heard nothing. Not good. Her husband, Chad, sent me a message yesterday telling me that she has been unresponsive since Tuesday morning and it won’t be long now…that she was ready to go and just waiting for God to take her. It has been an emotional rollercoaster for me losing this young friend to this horrible disease that will eventually take me. I can’t imagine how hard it is for her two kids and her husband…and her mom, who has been battling cancer herself. So, my wonderful prayer warriors, if you are so inclined, please lift up Hollie in prayer that she has a peaceful passing…that her family will have the support they need to get past this very painful part of her transition to heaven. Thanks, I would really appreciate it! I am storming heaven on her behalf daily as well.

My mom left all she knew in Michigan when she married my dad and they moved to Germany. Imagine living in a foreign country when you hadn’t really been out of the state very much….not being about to call your mom while you are pregnant due to long distance phone costs and snail mail being your only avenue of communication and it took weeks to get back and forth over the ocean. No cell phones, no social media, no email….no computers. When we first moved to Okinawa, it was harder to communicate at first, but nothing like that. That was a big leap of faith for my mom to take with my dad. She continued it for nearly 30 years of service to the U.S. Army…three kids and moving every 2-3 years to another location. Through it all, my mom volunteered her time teaching English as a second language to military spouses….doing secretarial work at several of the churches we belonged to along the way….and as a Stephen Minister, ministering to those suffering in the silence of the world who needed someone to talk to. She has been quite the role model for my 50 years of existence and I love her dearly. The last thing you want to do is to worry your mom…and I know that my illness has done that to her. No one should have to watch a child of theirs suffer. However, I hope to have many more happy memories with my parents while I am still able. I love you Mom, and I thank you for all your sacrifices for us kids growing up. Thanks also for being such a great Grandma to our kids! Happy Mother’s Day!

Okay. Let me preface this whole post with the fact that I hate going to the dentist. I don’t have the best teeth to begin with and I have never been fond of going. I grew up moving all over the place and never had continuity of care, so there was also that. I have been going to this dentist for nearly 10 years and I really like her. She hums and sings along to the radio as she is working and is a mom of several kids and now a grandma. I was seen in Sept of 2019. I started up with my cancer journey in October 2019. My regular appointment was supposed to be March of 2020 and COVID went crazy and they closed down and I wasn’t safe to be out and about. So here we are. April 2021. I haven’t seen a dentist in over a year and a half. That in itself made me nervous. The whole time I have been on chemo I have had a really sensitive mouth. A few mouth sores here and there…thrush once (that is no fun!). Even on Doxil for the last year, during the third week of the round, my mouth would get really sensitive and it felt like my teeth were all shifting (like I was wearing braces) It was really weird. I had to change to a soft toothbrush and toothpaste for sensitive teeth. My mouth just felt sore and tight. I used oncology mouthwash to prevent mouth sores. Go figure, my local medical oncologist was not forthcoming with any helpful information. Sigh. Chemo does a number on your teeth and gums….and even though I am no longer on chemo but on anastrozole, an aromatase inhibitor, it also leeches calcium from your bones and teeth as a major side effect. I waited until I was fully vaccinated and then called my dentist down in Bellevue, Nebraska. (this is a 25 minute drive for me…but totally worth it in my mind) I was dreading today’s visit. They always ask about your health changes since the last time you have been there. Well…where do you start with a question like that when you are me? I sat down yesterday and typed up a synopsis of my health care and treatment over the last 18 months and highlighted the things most pertinent to them (zometa bone medication – can’t have any teeth pulled or root canals done within 6 months of having it – and I got it last month and get it every 3 months – and blood thinners). I handed it to the tech and she immediately got a dental hygienist who has dealt with several patients on chemo. She gave me lots of advice, did all my cleaning and polishing today, and gave me several pamphlets and samples of stuff to use for my mouth that I so wished I had 18 months ago. However, I was treated with such kindness and thoroughness. I was convinced I had several cavities. I did not. I rarely ask God for healing for myself. I feel it is kind of selfish with other people out there suffering more than me. However, I have to admit, that I talked to God about this dental visit. I told Him I could handle it if I had to have a lot of dental work done…because I wouldn’t have a choice. I would just have to deal with it. But I asked Him if He could help me through it and make it not so bad. I was in tears by the time I got into my car after my appointment. I thanked God profusely for taking this cross from me for now. I know a lot of you all are thinking what a child I am being about the dentist. I just really couldn’t handle a whole lot more. So I found Jesus at the least likely place…the dentist office today and I just wanted to share. Next appointment is Nov 11th. Curious as to what things will be like with my health at that point. Hopefully still chugging along!

The spring game….the red versus the white with QBs in green. The first half with only shoves with the starters. The second half all out hitting for the youngsters who will be ridin’ the pine most of the season. Scott Frost and his crew doing what they do day in and day out…. 2021…..50% capacity in Memorial stadium which easily holds the NCAA record of most recorded sell outs. After no one allowed in the 2020 season, the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers were ready for some football and ready for a crowd. It was sunny, 85 degrees and super windy. The tradition of letting loose of red balloons after the first points scored backfired as the balloons swirled around the stadium rather than being lifted on high and dive bombed the players on the field. We were masked (or supposed to be) and physically distanced. It was so good to be in the stadium again, even if it was only for the spring scrimmage. Good new, the Huskers won. We also got to see Tim briefly as he was partying with some friends in Lincoln during the game. He is on a short few days vacation from Colorado to see some friends in Lincoln. Here are some photos from the game. Lily came along due to forced family fun outing rules. She is not a big sports fan. She managed to do origami with the hotdog wrapper. We had red hotdogs and Rich had a runza to christen the 2021 Husker football year. Great time had by all!

First of all, Joe and Michelle came up to Omaha for 24 hours this past weekend. Lily was off at a sleepover, but the four of us (Joe, Michelle, Rich, and I) spent a good chunk of Saturday at a family friend’s wedding and reception. We sat with our long time military friends from Norway, Ed & Wanda, and their son, Zac (Joe’s best friend), and his girlfriend, Megan. It was so nice for the 8 of us spending time together as adults. I had such a wonderful time. Tanner and Megan made a beautiful couple, and I wish them all the very best in their lifetime together. Tanner graduated with Joe and Zac and the three of them are good friends. It is hard to believe two of them are now married, two are firefighters, and Tanner will be a doctor (he is a physical therapist) in the next month or so. I love that Joe surrounded himself with really good people and has kept those good people in his life. I was not only blessed to know Zac and Tanner had Joe’s back, but I also got to love them as if they were my own…along with a few other men in Joe’s life. I am doubly blessed because I got to know their wonderful parents and got good friends in return. I got to see them and got lots of wonderful, tight hugs from these young men and their parents, whom I have really missed spending time with! I can’t even count how many times we either froze or fried watching Bellevue West High School football games! Good times! Now our boys are men….and I am so proud of each of them!

How is my treatment going? Pretty good. I am staying active….I have been working 2-4 hours each morning in the store doing manual labor…moving stuff. Tallinn goes along with me as we are not open until 10, so from 8-10, he can roam the store and just follow me as I go from the store room to the floor, putting out inventory. Once the store opens, he settles himself under RIch’s desk in his office and is happy to take his morning nap there. I have been trying to get walks in as well. I am really feeling a lot of stiffness and joint/muscle pain from the anastrozole that I take daily. It is to be expected. I have talked to some people taking the same type of aromatase inhibitors and started taking Claritan yesterday morning. It worked really well with joint pain with neulasta shots I took last year. Tonight I will also start taking tart cherry chewies. Sounds weird, right? Well, it really works for a lot of people, so I figure why not give it a try? I have already noticed a bit of a difference with the Claritan, especially in the mornings. By afternoon, I am stiff and sore again though. I took some Tylenol this evening before going for a walk with Rich and that really helped too. So hopefully this will help. I went back to Mass starting two weeks ago and the Catholic Calisthenics had me moving pretty slow. Hopefully this will help.

I am still taking an advanced photography class online and loving it. However, it has been somewhat stressful being so busy and traveling recently trying to get my assignments posted. Bonus is I have had some gorgeous views to take photos of. If you saw a person in a winter jacket standing under a flowering tree in the Walgreen’s parking lot this morning in between snow flurries taking photos, that was me. I also got a great photo of Lily tonight….made it black and white and absolutely love it. So here are a few photos from my assignments on light this past week.

Today is my daughter-in-law’s birthday. She has been my daughter officially less than a year, but has been a part of our family for over 7 years. This young lady is funny, so so smart, compassionate, athletic, and is just a beautiful person inside and out. I am so lucky that my son, Joe, managed to catch her interest and keep it! I am so very proud of the woman she has grown to be over the last several years. She comes from a wonderful family in Missouri and she has a large base of good, dependable friends in her life. Having her in my son’s life…and now our whole family’s lives, sets me at ease with my terminal disease. I know that with her by Joe’s side, he will be fine. She is everything in a wife I would want for him and everything I would want for my future grandchildren’s mom. (no she isn’t pregnant….she wants to wait a bit) She also sets my heart at ease knowing that she will be there for Lily when I am gone…a woman in her life that will also laugh with her and give her a shoulder to cry on if needed. Happy birthday Michelle! God certainly blessed us with you in our lives!

I told you I had been busy! less than 36 hours after my sister left from Omaha, I got on a plane in Omaha and my son, Joe, got on a plane in Kansas City, and we both flew to Houston to surprise my mom for her 75th birthday, which was Tuesday, April 13th. We arrived pretty early in the morning on Monday. My brother, Craig, picked us up and we went over to his house for a little while before he dropped us off at my parents’ house. My mom volunteers at the church on Monday mornings, so Joe and I were able to spend some time with my dad. My dad’s mind has been failing him over the last decade and it was hard to know he would have never known who we were if my brother hadn’t yelled out the truck window that he had “Joe, his grandson, and Cyndi, his daughter” in the truck with him. His eyesight is really going (although for some reason he always gets a clean bill of health from his eye doctor). He is typically pretty quiet, willing to just sit and listen to conversations. However, when he is out walking the loop of his neighborhood, which he does 3-4 times a day, he is pretty chatty….although he has a hard time finding his words now. I know how that is…chemo has done a number on my brain and some days are harder than others. He now wears an ID bracelet with his name and my mom’s name and phone number on it so if he finds himself lost, he can show it to someone. It was very hard to watch him be so lost…even in his own home surroundings this time. I was thankful that Joe was there to also spend some time with him. We definitely surprised my mom and had a great couple of days with her. We flew in on Monday morning and left Wednesday afternoon. It was quick but fun. I always enjoy spending time with Craig and his wife and son as well. I had not flown in over 2 years. The planes I was on were completely full. I double masked for the planes and tried not to touch much…just read my kindle for the 90 minute or so flights. It was a great trip and I am so glad we went!

I have a younger sister named Pam, and she and her three kids and husband live in Goshen, Indiana. It had been 8 years since she had come to Nebraska to visit, so she took a few days off and came to visit a few days after we got back from our Montana/Wyoming trip. She brought 2 of her 5 dogs with her, so Tallinn was busy during those few days she visited as well. Unfortunately it rained quite a bit whilst she was here, but we managed to get a tour of the store in, a good walk with all three dogs (went way better than I expected), and we also went out so I could show her the Holy Family Shrine. It was pretty windy, even though the sun was out and we both got a bit disoriented when looking up at the big crucifix with the clouds moving fast behind it. It gave the illusion that Christ was coming down off the cross. I saw it first and was wondering if my chemo brain fog was doing me in, but was relieved when she looked up, she almost fell over backwards as well. It was great to have Pam visit!

We drove our last leg home on Easter Sunday. We were able to catch a few photos of the sandhills cranes whilst driving through North Platte. We were able to have dinner in Cheyenne, Wyoming the night before and our youngest son, Tim (who lives in Fort Collins, CO), was able to make the 45 minute drive to meet us. That ended our wonderful trip on a very good note. When we got home to Omaha in the late afternoon, it was 88 degrees here! We were still in hiking boots, jeans and long sleeved shirts. Summer had come while we were gone!