The oncology nurse practitioner called me this morning with my CT results taken on Monday. Kind of a mix bag. According to the radiologist here locally, the mets to my lungs and spine are stable and have shown no growth. This is good. However, and there is, unfortunately, a “however” here, the large tumors in my pelvis that are inoperable, have grown. But (and now I am using a “but” here too), it is really minimal growth. We are talking millimeters growth on tumors measured in centimeters. The NP had no idea which way my specialist at the Mayo Clinic will lean. I mean with him via zoom late tomorrow afternoon to hear his take on the CT scans and to work with him to devise a plan going forward. My bloodwork has been good over the last year on Doxil, so I am healthy enough to start another chemo straight away. I just really would love to give my hands and feet a break. So….the news is somewhat reassuring. They did not note any NEW growths, which is really good. In 24 hours I will have a plan and the next morning I will have a zoom appointment with my local oncologist to put that plan into action. Thank you so much for everyone who has reached out saying they are praying for me. I had messages from all over the world and each and every one of them touched me. Although I am physically alone when I go into those scans…and the treatments, I can feel a blanket of love around me from all of you. Thank you.

I had CT scans of my chest, abdomen and pelvis today…with and without contrast. I remembered to tell the technician that I had just had my second COVID-19 vaccine. Your lymph nodes can swell when you have that second shot. I could actually feel it in my right armpit, the side I had my shot on. I know my body is working on getting prepared to fight COVID, so it isn’t a bad thing. Now if the radiologist didn’t know that, he or she might think I might need a biopsy on my swollen lymph nodes. Yep – no thanks. So I remembered to tell them. So the scans are done. I will get a call on Wednesday from the local oncology team to let me know what they found on the scans. Then on Thursday afternoon I will have a zoom meeting with my sarcoma specialist from the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. He will talk to me about what HIS radiologist saw and what he interprets the scans to say. Then we’ll make a plan…for at least the next 3 months. If there is growth or new mets pop up, then we’ll talk about starting a new chemo regimen. If there is stability or shrinkage, I hope to take a chemo break and be put on AI’s….aromatase inhibitors. They are not chemotherapy but have their own lovely set of side effects. This is my best case scenario and I hope that I will have good news on Wednesday and Thursday. Friday morning I will have a zoom meeting with my local oncology team to discuss the timeline of the next step decided by my sarcoma specialist and me. It’s a big week. Everything seems to hinge on this week…travel plans being the biggy. This week my parish is having their parish mission. It is kind of like a Southern Baptist Revival Catholic-style. It lasts about 2 hours for 4 continuous nights. It has tremendously helped me deal with a week that I could totally have let spin out of control. and it has only been 2 nights so far. Instead, I am going to just live my life in joy (it has been in the 70’s!) and let what comes, come. I have learned that I am equipped to deal with everything that has been thrown at me so far. I have an army of prayer warriors surrounding me!

Well, the 2nd Pfizer vaccine got me. I figured it might as I am on chemo and my WBC count is on the lower side of normal. About 12 hours after my vaccine, I started running a fever and had body aches and just felt icky. I slept most of yesterday and still managed to go to bed before 9 p.m. and sleep through the night. I am happy to say that today I am feeling back to my old self. So if any of you are having a reaction to your second shot…it only lasts about 24 hours. Now on to scans and doctors appointments next week!

I have really been disappointed in the way Nebraska has dealt with vaccinating people with pre-existing conditions such as cancer. We were told to go to a special website and get registered and we would be called soon for appointments. Then this group was dropped from the vaccination list altogether for a couple of weeks. Now they plan on vaccinating them dead last before the general population….and only in the order of the medical staff’s (and which medical staff is unclear) determination of severity. Luckily, as I mentioned before, I got in for a Pfizer vaccine 3 weeks ago. I received my second vaccine about 2 hours ago. I am blessed. I am also happy that it was announced that 5000 teachers in our county will get vaccinated with the Johnson & Johnson vaccine this Saturday. My parents live the suburbs of Houston and they have found it very difficult to get vaccinated…and their age group has come and gone. Today, they both got their first vaccine shot of Moderna. Praise God! I know that masks and physical distancing still has to take place, but wow, would I love to be able to go back to church! Tonight, as I am looking at a spectacular pink sunset after a sunny day of 65 degrees….I am feeling blessed.

Yesterday, March 1st, was Nebraska State Day….her birthday…154 years old. We lost one of our own yesterday whom had gained national recognition over the last 8 years or so. Most of you non-Nebraskans have no idea where I am going with this. However, those of you who are, are nodding, knowing the great loss we incurred yesterday. In 2011, a 5 year old Nebraska boy was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. His name was Jack Hoffman. Given a bleak outlook, his parents, Andy and Bri never gave up trying to fight for a future for their young son. They eventually went to Boston for surgery. Before they left, Andy reached out to Rex Burkhead, who was playing on the Huskers football team at the time. Rex ended up meeting up with them right before they left for Boston and befriended the family, using little Jack as a rallying point on the field and on the sidelines. A year and a half later, Jack was invited to participate in the Red and White Spring game….the Husker scrimmage that has typically 90,000 plus people in attendance. Rex Burkhead had moved on to the NFL at that point (and now plays for the New England Patriots), but Jack donned the #22 jersey which Rex made famous and stepped onto the field. Taylor Martinez, the quarterback at the time, handed the ball to young Jack and the team blocked for him as he ran 69 yards for a touchdown. Both benches were cleared as all the athletes came out onto the field to lift Jack onto their shoulders and carry him around the field. It was an epic moment in Nebraska sports history and that clip brought a lot of recognition to the foundation that Jack’s dad, Andy, co-founded called Team Jack. They were looking to raise money for pediatric brain cancer. Jack and Andy were awarded an ESPY ( like a golden globe for sports folks) and they were invited to the White House to meet then President, Barak Obama. Andy was able to help raise over 8 million dollars in the last decade for Team Jack. Jack, who is now 15, plays football in a small Nebraska town, and is a linebacker, like his dad, Andy was. Jack is in a clinical trial that has kept his brain cancer in remission and he is leading a normal life. His dad, Andy, however, was diagnosed with brain cancer (not the same kind as Jack…but a more rare and aggressive kind) about 7 months ago. Nebraska rallied around him, selling Twice the Fight shirts to raise money for Team Jack. He was being seen at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, but was positive for COVID-19 in February and stopped his chemo to come home and recover from his illness. Although he recovered from COVID, the brain cancer was too aggressive for him to battle. He died at home yesterday, on Nebraska State Day. He was 42. There small national news articles about Andy that are going around today. For those of us in Nebraska whom have watched this man give everything he has for the children of the world suffering from brain cancer, the word was out within hours of his death. My heartfelt prayers go out to his family, and all who knew him….and that is a lot of people. One more person I hope to meet in Heaven….

Today my dad is 74 years young! He served in the U.S. Army for nearly 30 years as a combat engineer, master jumper, airborne ranger. I remember when we were stationed at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, going to the big open fields and sitting on the bleachers watching my dad and all the other dads of friends jumping from airplanes. I remember how we had to move every two to three years to follow him around the country, before cell phones and social media allowed you to stay in touch with your friends. I also remember how whenever we got to a new place, he always searched for a new church for us to go to. I was raised Lutheran Church Missouri-Synod and it was important to my dad to “keep our heritage” and find a church that was LCMS to attend. Sometimes that mean driving 25 minutes to a tiny church in DeRidder, LA that was more of a double wide trailer than a church. Vacations were spent driving home to Michigan to see our extended families. Driving from North Carolina….I still remember those long days in the car.

My parents now live in a suburb of Houston, Texas. My dad has changed drastically from the Army Colonel I grew up with. A series of small strokes over a decade ago and perhaps some dementia as well has creeped in and taken away his short term memory, some of his long term memories, his sight is now impaired, he searches for words quite often and he is unable to read, drive, bowl, or participate actively in a lot of what life offers. He spends his days watching the news on TV and talking short walks around the block. He can be found on the sidelines of his grandson’s soccer field when he has games and will often go on errands with my brother, Craig. He is so quiet…he has been robbed of the ability to follow a lot of conversations, although if you get him talking about something that interests him….or a memory of when we was younger, he will talk and talk…although pausing often to look for the word that eludes him. He has outlived his dad and grandfather by nearly 20 years now, so we don’t really know if what he has is something they would have had. My mom has to have a lot of patience getting him through his days now. Reminding him to eat…where things are and what they look like when he can’t find them. When they travel, it is really hard, as he is out of his environment and pretty much lost the whole time. I am hoping that I will be able to see them both again soon. COVID has really done a number on those who would like to see loved ones but have to travel long distances to do so.

This is a picture of my dad today, in Texas, opening his birthday gifts. I hope he understands what a treasure he is to our family.

Saw this on Facebook and wanted to share as it really resonated with me…enough to make it to my book of quotes today. It is by Angel Chernoff (no…I don’t know who that is but liked the sentiment):

“Happiness is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is. At the the end of this day, before you close your eyes, smile and be at peace with where you’ve been and grateful for what you have. Life is good.”

This morning I was up early. Tallinn was restless and I finally just got up. I opened my back porch door to let him outside and the sky was amazing. I grabbed a coat and my camera and took some photos. I am not a city person. I dislike living in Omaha so close to neighbors. However, this morning’s sunrise made up for it!

Not feeling so great today…should be turning the corner by now…so hopefully tomorrow. Wanted to share some photos with you all though. A few frozen bubble pictures…some light painting (my four kids each got a flashlight and got assigned a letter on Valentine’s Day to do for the picture)….and just some other random family fun shots.

My mind is going in a lot of different directions today. Yesterday, I was thinking of Rush Limbaugh, as I heard a guest speaker in his spot on his radio show which is played on the main AM radio station in our Omaha area. I wondered immediately to his health…and thought to myself that I would take his death kind of hard – not because I am an avid listener or anything like that, but to a fellow patriot who I respected and who was struggling with cancer. When I heard of his passing today, I was really sad. However, I really related to him on a lot of levels, especially in the last year, as we both battled cancer. Rush spoke quite extensively about his terminal diagnosis. He talked about how blessed he was to be told he was loved by so many. He said if he hadn’t gotten sick, maybe he would have never heard those messages of love for him. I totally feel the same way. He realized that his wife and family were his pillars of support on this earth and was overwhelmed with love for them. I, too, understand this. Before I heard of his death, I was messaging with another LMS warrior friend….someone who lives in another state, but I was hoping to be able to meet in the next couple of months. Her cancer has advanced and she was put on hospice today. She has children still at home. Her husband could not handle her illness and baled on her and the kids a few months ago. Having a support system is so key and I am so very blessed to have people supporting me in so many ways, and Rush more eloquently stated that fact a few months ago on air. So today, as we start our 40 days of Lent….I pray for Rush and his family….my friend and her children….and for you all. I will leave you with this thought that I saw yesterday that I put in my book of quotes…though I have no idea who to give the credit to: “Live in such a way that those who know you but don’t know God will come to know God because they know you.”