Well, this was NOT where we were last year. This was definitely closer but the photos online where very misleading. The place we went last year and loved was Pam Nelson’s farm in Valley, Nebraska. It was at the beginning to middle of September though….so I am not sure where they are at right now. Lily and I did get a bit of a hike in to get to the sunflowers. There were not many left and they were covered in bees. I think that is cool but Lily is not a big bug or bee lover. We were out and back within the hour. Something else to look forward to in the coming weeks…the real sunflower farms blooming!

I want to continue to thank those of you whom have stuck with me through the mire of they last 9 months or so. A lot of people that I thought would be at my side left me alone….and those that I would have never guessed would reach out and make a difference have. It is weird how that works. I came home this weekend to a vase on my front porch with a bunch of yellow and white flowers from a friend I knew from our time in Norway. Adrienne Howard now lives in Japan with her Navy husband. What a wonderful surprise! Thank you so very much for brightening my day. I tend to be a bit overemotional around my chemo treatment time. I don’t know if it is the chemo, the reminder of being sick, or most likely the big dosages of steroids the day of the chemo and the three days afterwards. So for all of you who are sending me messages, texts, letters, etc…..I really thank you so very much. I am blessed to have so many people God has put in my path over the years, all over the world. I am able to converse in some way or fashion with people from other continents daily. I have had chocolates…chicken noodle soup…flowers…chemo care packages… a meal train…all sorts of thoughtful gifts over the last 9 months. I am so happy that I am feeling better now…..even though I am stage IV, I am currently able to exercise and stay healthy for now. The chemo I had on Thursday is starting to make me feel nauseous and it will most likely be that way for the next 5 days or so. God blessed us with a cold front that came through and we are going to have some cooler, drier weather over the next few days. It was 55 degrees when I left on my walk this morning and it felt wonderful. I am going to try to get a kickboxing workout in later today and Lily and I are going to head to a local sunflower farm we discovered here last fall. I have always loved sunflowers. I went through a pretty rough few days mentally and mostly spiritually at the end of last week….I know most of you feel that I am such a strong person of faith, but even that can waiver. I have to not let the darkness seep in and let me get disconsolate. I feel very guilty when I have thoughts like, “Why me?”, ” This isn’t fair!”, and “Why is God punishing me?” Just typing these comments out have tears spilling again…because they are my dark mantra that I have to try to avoid or it will just suck me down a vast chasm of which I have a hard time climbing out of. Not getting to have personal contact with people has really had a huge impact on me. I have to be careful, but I am thinking that I would like to have some driveway social distancing chats in yard chairs soon. My oncologist wants me to be a total hermit but I don’t think he realizes that it is crushing my spirit. He gets to go to work everyday and talk with people. I have been at home sequestered for over 8 months. I don’t want to talk about cancer…I want to catch up with other people and hear about their lives and talk about weddings and new puppies…local news and ideas on how schools will work this year. My dr. says being outside is good…so I am off to grab a quick bite before heading to the sunflower fields on this beautiful day with my Lily. Hope to have some photos for you later!

I am a lover of all tings martial arts. I have two black belts – one in Chinese Kempo – one in Okinawan Shorinryu – and I got up pretty high in traditional TaeKwonDo when I lived in Europe as well. The Asian trifecta of Chinese, Japanese, and Korean martial arts. I am also quite well-versed in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu as well. I got involved in kickboxing a few years ago and managed to belong to an awesome place called Impact Kickboxing here in Omaha and workout there for 5 days a week for almost 2 years before I got my cancer diagnosis. The people there were so incredibly supportive of me and my family. I am in daily contact with them still to this day. My 0530 crew always adds a hashtag of #wefight4Cyndi at the end of their posts. This is such a diverse group of people and yet we are bonded by blood, sweat, tears, and for some vomit….with these workouts. They all got t-shirts that said “We fight for Cyndi” on them. I am so blessed to have met these folks! I am finally feeling good enough to get back to working out again in addition to my 5 mile walks with Tallinn. Rich helped me set up a home kickboxing gym in our garage and I have designed 20 workouts with cardio and weightlifting to go along with the bag work. I have worked out each week day for the last two weeks and it has done wonders for my physical and definitely my mental health. It just feels so good to get some of my frustration out on the heavy bag each day. Here are a couple of photos….Tallinn isn’t fond of the heavy bag as he feels that if I am attacking it, it must just be a bad thing in general. Here are a few photos from my kickboxing adventures….

Yesterday we went to Indian Cave State Park, which is about a 90 minute drive south of where we live in Omaha. We had never been there before and it was pretty overgrown and the cave itself was closed due to dangerous conditions. We walked over 6 miles and climbed over 36 floors according to my watch. We were all pretty pooped by the end of the day!

Most of you know that Rich owns the Play It Again Sports store here in Omaha. We have been open for almost 6 years now and have had some of the greatest staff members over those 6 years. We were in need of some new t-shirts for everyone. I worked in the store until I was diagnosed with Stage IV Leiomyosarcoma in Nov 2019 and had surgery and started chemo. Now with COVID-19 going on….I am permanently working from home doing all the paperwork from here and odd jobs that need to be done. The staff decided on their own that they wanted to have their new shirts have a purple ribbon for my cancer fight placed on their sleeves. It really meant a lot to me. Brought to tears to my eyes….these wonderful people we have working at our store!

I got up early today and did my kickboxing workout…took a cold shower because I could not stop sweating….and then headed to the cancer center for my oncology appointment, blood work, and chemo treatment. I also got my second dose of IV Zometa….not a chemo drug, but a drug that helps seal off and strengthen my bones so I don’t get more bone mets (I have one in my L2 area). So I got the works today and was there from 0845 to 1400, so a little over 5 hours. I am including my kickboxing photo from this morning and my chemo photo (which my awesome oncology nurse, Nora, has taken for me for the last 5 times since Rich can’t be with me). The green bag has ice in it. I ice my hands and feet for the hour that the Doxil is being infused to hopefully stave off some of the hand/foot syndrome I have. I went on a walk this evening with Tallinn, Rich and Lily. I was cool and breezy….very nice. I hope that holds true for tomorrow morning. I then went grocery shopping later this evening and it was still pretty empty. Omaha is legally requiring masks in public buildings and places you can’t properly social distance starting Monday. A majority of folks have already been doing that. Anyhow, got almost 3 miles in today walking. Not bad for a chemo day. But I am pooped. Heading to bed with the hopes that reading a book will allow me to sleep and not let the IV steroids I had today keep me up most of the night. G’night peeps!

Yesterday was the five year mark since my first surgery. I had a hysterectomy due to a pretty large fibroid and then ended up having an appendectomy. The appendectomy showed signs of cancer…a carcinoid. Then on September 1st, 2015, I had a right hemicolectomy….where they took out the right side of my large intestines to make sure it hadn’t spread. It hadn’t and I was given a clean bill of health and given my marching orders. The large and fast growing benign fibroid was considered nothing. However, there is a chance that it was the beginnings of the leiomyosarcoma I have now. Sigh. I never had a follow up scan. No one ever thought to check me again. I have mentioned before that I have a couple of friends who are going on this cancer journey with me. One has finished her chemo regimen. It has been so hard on her and I am thrilled she no longer has to have poison pumped through her veins. The other friend has finished her radiation and chemo and got to ring the infamous bell yesterday, celebrating the completion of this treatment. I am thrilled for both of them, don’t get me wrong. I would never wish cancer on anyone. However, the green tendrils of jealousy wound their way around my heart and squeezed….hard. I will never get to ring a bell. I will be on some form of treatment for the rest of my short life. This is my new normal and I was mad and jealous and completely crushed for about 20 minutes. I remember a good friend of mine, now in Heaven, Rhonda, telling me in tears that her new normal was chemo every week for the rest of her life….until the end drew near. I remember not being able to fathom the idea of that….to be on chemo for the rest of your life. Yet here I am. As soon as this one doesn’t work, they will try another. My new normal. I even muttered the words into Rich’s chest as I sobbed last night that I try never to say because really….I am doing quite well right now….”It isn’t fair.” Then I dried my tears, plucked up my courage, and put that moment behind me.

On to better news. I really am feeling better. If you follow me on Facebook, you know that I have started adding a Kickboxing workout into my week days. I have done three so far and I am pleasantly sore and have been sleeping better. I was so active before I was diagnosed with this cancer and with surgery, chemo which wore me out, and a month of massive doses of steroids…I have gained 20 lbs since November. Stress eating has been a part of that as well. Some of you who have been stuck at home and gained weight over the last few months with the COVID-19 pandemic can probably empathize with me. Double that time at home for me. Anyhow, I love kickboxing and my awesome husband was able to get me some goodies from the store….puzzle mats, kettle bells, a XXL stand up heavy bag. I took a whole day developing workouts to put on a big flip chart so I could have direction and variety. Thanks to my son, a kickboxing trainer, I got enough ideas to write out the first 10 workouts. This is all set up in my garage. It feels great to hit and kick my aggression out again. Tallinn does NOT like the big bag. When I hit it, he feels it must have been attacking me, so he attacks it. Barks like crazy and my dog is not a barking dog. He can go days…even weeks without us hearing a peep from him other than his manly deep groaning sighs he makes sometimes. It is going to be an uphill battle to get back into kickboxing shape and flexibility that I was at when I had to stop last October, but I am putting forth the effort. I am contemplating putting up photos of my fit fam from Impact Kickboxing here in Omaha on the walls. It is hard to do it all alone.

I am continuing my long morning walks with Tallinn. This morning, I think all the butterflies in Nebraska must have hatched overnight. It was CRAZY how many of them we saw! There were thousands of them! Tallinn with chase after them…and their shadows…so pretty sure he walked an extra mile just zigging and zagging after them and their shadows. We also saw several rabbits and 4 wild turkey. Pretty eventful morning today!

First off, pardon any typos. I had my eyes dilatated this afternoon for an eye exam and my eyesight is not back to where it should be yet. I didn’t really broadcast it widely, but I got to go away from home for a long weekend this past weekend! People comment about how much being quarantined for the last 4 months or so has been. Tack on another 5 on that for me from when I had surgery, got my diagnosis, and started treatments. I have been at home FOREVER! (my trip to Mayo Clinic does not count). However, last week my parents arrived at our home to spend a few days. They live in Houston, a hot spot, but they had been very very careful for the several weeks leading up to their visit. It was really nice to spend some “in person” time with them. It had been nearly a year since I had seen them…before my diagnosis. They left on Thursday morning to head towards my sister’s house in Goshen, Indiana. We left that afternoon and caught up with them in Joliet, Illinois that night. That left us just a couple of hours of driving on Friday. We shuttled my dad to ride with Rich and Lily and I drove my mom in her car. We had to go through Chicago…around it really…but it makes no difference; driving in Chicago is never fun. Blech. That is all I will say about it. I enjoy visiting there but wow….could never live there. Tallinn got to come along as well and was a real trooper the whole time. He is a great traveler.

My sister, Pam, and her husband, Brian, have three kids. Kara turned 21 on Friday. Alyssa turned 18 on Saturday and had her high school graduation party on the same day. Micah is almost 12. Pam and Brian will have their 25th wedding anniversary tomorrow. So there was a lot to celebrate at the Pfeil household! We arrived Friday afternoon to Goshen to help with the set up of tents and tables and chairs for the open house on Saturday afternoon. By Saturday, my brother, Craig Neitzke, had flown in from Houston and driven down from Detroit to spend the day as well. It was very warm on Saturday, but that did not deter any of the guests from coming and helping Alyssa celebrate. She had 12 varsity letters, so she knows a lot of people. Of course, with COVID-19 going on, the open house looked a little different. I was outside with a mask trying my best to keep a six foot distance from everyone but Lily and Rich. I didn’t eat through the buffet line. All this crazy stuff that never used to cross our minds. I did have a piece of cake and it was AWESOME. My sister made it. Alyssa will be going to Manchester University about 90 minutes away and will major in elementary education and play women’s basketball. It was awesome to be able to be there to help celebrate all these awesome occasions. We all gathered together for brunch at the Pfeil’s house on Sunday morning and then took off to come home. It was a very short trip with a lot of driving (9 hours each way) but it was so good to get away. It was fun to play cornhole and realize that Tallinn has to be kenneled up because he leaps in the air to catch the bag and takes off with it. The other great memory is that my brother, Craig, can really push my sister’s buttons. It was fun to sit back and watch that. Siblings at their best.

I thought Tallinn could use a little lifting up. He is in for a night of snuggles because I am whipped tonight after chemo this morning. He is currently laying on the floor by my side rather than in a cozy spot in the living room he prefers because he feels I need him. What a gift! I will remind myself of that when he lunges towards any of the two dozen rabbits we’ll encounter on our walk tomorrow morning….

This morning I had blood work done…all good…a doctor’s appointment, and finally my 4th round of Doxil. Rich was able to be with me for all of it this time. He was truly surprised at what my chemotherapy chemicals actually looked like. It IS bright red! The doctor did not have any news on the testing of my tumor that I asked him to do (from surgery on Nov 1, 2019). He hadn’t heard anything yet…and I wanted to make sure it was actually ordered. My local doctor is going to send the CT scans done last month to my sarcoma specialist at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. Monday I will call his office and get a zoom meeting set up to discuss how things are going. The cancer center and infusion center were packed as tomorrow is an observed holiday and they are closed. And so it is done…ready to enjoy the next couple of days before the “icks” set in on Sunday. Tallinn seems to know I have a new dose of poison swirling in my veins, as he is stuck to my side right now. What a God-send this little guy is…especially since I had to forego our long walk this morning for treatment. God blessed me with him, that is for sure. He makes me smile everyday, no matter where my mind is heading. On to getting tasks done for the next couple of days!