Special Thank Yous!

I want to continue to thank those of you whom have stuck with me through the mire of they last 9 months or so. A lot of people that I thought would be at my side left me alone….and those that I would have never guessed would reach out and make a difference have. It is weird how that works. I came home this weekend to a vase on my front porch with a bunch of yellow and white flowers from a friend I knew from our time in Norway. Adrienne Howard now lives in Japan with her Navy husband. What a wonderful surprise! Thank you so very much for brightening my day. I tend to be a bit overemotional around my chemo treatment time. I don’t know if it is the chemo, the reminder of being sick, or most likely the big dosages of steroids the day of the chemo and the three days afterwards. So for all of you who are sending me messages, texts, letters, etc…..I really thank you so very much. I am blessed to have so many people God has put in my path over the years, all over the world. I am able to converse in some way or fashion with people from other continents daily. I have had chocolates…chicken noodle soup…flowers…chemo care packages… a meal train…all sorts of thoughtful gifts over the last 9 months. I am so happy that I am feeling better now…..even though I am stage IV, I am currently able to exercise and stay healthy for now. The chemo I had on Thursday is starting to make me feel nauseous and it will most likely be that way for the next 5 days or so. God blessed us with a cold front that came through and we are going to have some cooler, drier weather over the next few days. It was 55 degrees when I left on my walk this morning and it felt wonderful. I am going to try to get a kickboxing workout in later today and Lily and I are going to head to a local sunflower farm we discovered here last fall. I have always loved sunflowers. I went through a pretty rough few days mentally and mostly spiritually at the end of last week….I know most of you feel that I am such a strong person of faith, but even that can waiver. I have to not let the darkness seep in and let me get disconsolate. I feel very guilty when I have thoughts like, “Why me?”, ” This isn’t fair!”, and “Why is God punishing me?” Just typing these comments out have tears spilling again…because they are my dark mantra that I have to try to avoid or it will just suck me down a vast chasm of which I have a hard time climbing out of. Not getting to have personal contact with people has really had a huge impact on me. I have to be careful, but I am thinking that I would like to have some driveway social distancing chats in yard chairs soon. My oncologist wants me to be a total hermit but I don’t think he realizes that it is crushing my spirit. He gets to go to work everyday and talk with people. I have been at home sequestered for over 8 months. I don’t want to talk about cancer…I want to catch up with other people and hear about their lives and talk about weddings and new puppies…local news and ideas on how schools will work this year. My dr. says being outside is good…so I am off to grab a quick bite before heading to the sunflower fields on this beautiful day with my Lily. Hope to have some photos for you later!