My first week of radiation treatment is done! Whoo hoo! My appointments have been at varied times during the first few days, which was difficult, but now I am at the 0915 timeslot every weekday. I have to be getting my body ready about 2 hours prior, so this is a good time for me…and gives me the rest of the day to have to myself. My rectum needs to be empty and my bladder full for each appointment. That takes some finagling beforehand. I have already told Rich that I hope to never have to have a full bladder again. I will relish each time I get to go pee whenever I want to. Luckily, I have two gentlemen that are the in the “maroon scrub shorts club” with me at my time slot. They are both fighting prostate cancer. They have the same kinda prep that I have to do. So we always make a comment about our gorgeous attire and ask each other if our eyeballs are floating yet. These guys are coming for low dose radiation for 9 weeks and I am there for high dose for 3 weeks. I am guessing there are pluses and minuses to both options. They are having a body part zapped whereas I am having a tumor zapped. So far my only side effects have been starting to get a little more tired and then some cramping. I did have some low level nausea for the first three days and that was normal. I meet with my nurse practitioner and doctor every Wednesday after treatment. They said the worst of the symptoms will probably start next week, mid to late part of the week. Those symptoms could last up to 6 weeks, but they hope that by 3 weeks after treatment ends, they will start to subside.
I am still answering fire department calls for now, when I am available. I will keep that up as long as I can physically do that. It does take my mind off of how I feel when I am treating someone else. I had a very full Thursday and ended up taking an hour long nap on Friday morning after I got home from treatment and running a few errands with Rich. I am not a napper….I would rather just suck it up and go to bed early. However, I just couldn’t make it through the day without some rest. The weather is so beautiful in Montana right now, so I enjoy being out in the fresh air when I can. Tim, our youngest son, flies in on Monday, and I can’t wait to have him here. He will be the best distraction! Lily, our daughter, will arrive the following Saturday, so there will be some overlap while they are here. I will finish my treatments right before Lily leaves to go back to Kansas City. I am SO looking forward to seeing them both.
I most likely won’t be on social media or this blog much more this weekend. All of the Mother’s Day stuff is pretty hard…still. My emotions have been all over the place this past week being in everyday active treatment again. Joe was our communicator. He would always give me a call during chemo or that night…and it makes me miss him a bit more. Throw in Mother’s Day, and it gets pretty rough. My other two kiddos are wonderful, and I love them to pieces. They are very busy with their own lives. This is why it will be so special to have them both here in person, where I can talk to them everyday and just catch up in a better way than a once-a-week phone call. I do want to wish everyone out there a Blessed Mother’s Day. I hope you are able to feel the love of those whom you have mothered, whether you are blood related or not.
Another thing about radiation…it are pretty alone. It is you, alone on a table, holding as still as you can for those 5 minutes or so that they are shooting radiation into your body. No one can be with you. You lay on a hard table, legs in your own personal mold, pelvis bare so the tattoos can be seen clearly by the lasers. As the big arms slowly spin around you, you are there…alone. It is like the CT scans. It is just you. It makes it very profound that you are alone in this fight with your cancer. No one else can do that fight for or with you. It is just you. I think that plays a profound role in my emotions as well. Anyhow, it’s like I am on an emotional rollercoaster right now. Feeling overly tired doesn’t help. So if you live in my neck of the woods, please give me some grace over the next month or so. I am working on giving grace to myself as well.
I received an awesome radiation care package from a dear cancer survivor friend of mine, Kathy. She sent some lotions and cooling towels (what a great idea!) and special soaks for the cooling towels and a pair of awesome socks I am modeling below. It brought tears to my eyes that she thought to impart her intimate knowledge of radiation treatment and sent these items to me. I am going to wear these socks every week!
One last thing….there are so many beautiful spring snow crabapple trees flowering outside the Swank building where I have my radiation treatment each day. They smell amazing. I always try to stop and enjoy them each day.
Messina Musings 