Today is my dad’s 79th birthday. He was born Walter Carl Neitzke, II in Carson City, Michigan. He is the second child of 5 in his family. His siblings try to come once or twice a year now to visit him, which is deeply appreciated. His dad was a career Navy man and my dad grew up all over the country. In high school, they were living in Hawaii and my dad was having a rough time with the locals at school. My great grandparents back in Michigan were farming and needed help, so he moved to live there with him. He told me once that showing up to school in their rural Michigan location with flowered shirts on from Hawaii made him stick out like a sore thumb. It wasn’t long after he arrived back in Michigan that his grandfather had a fatal heart attack. My dad was tasked to drive them to the nearest hospital – with his grandfather dying in the backseat, with his grandmother holding him. He didn’t tell me about that story until I was much older…when the dementia made him like to talk about times long gone. He continued to live with his grandmother and he worked at his Uncle’s hardware store, Thomas Hardware, in Breckenridge, Michigan. He played tenor saxophone in the high school band and when marching, played the bass drum (the big one on your front like the energizer bunny plays). Evidently there was a short cornet player that marched in front of my dad and he would run into the back of her – on purpose or because he couldn’t see her over his drum, he never told me. She was a year older than him and they became friends. This was my mom, Karen Ancel. She was dating someone else at the time, but when that broke off, she called my dad and the rest is history. They have been married for 58 years this September.
My dad went to college on an ROTC scholarship, being the runner up for the West Point appointment the year he graduated. He studied finance at Lake Superior State College in Sault Sainte Marie in the upper peninsula of Michigan. He married my mom and moved her up there before he graduated. He graduated in 1969 and was commissioned into the U.S. Army as a combat engineer. My parents packed up their things and after some military schooling to include jump school and ranger school (which makes my dad a total bad ass according to my son, Joe, who was also in the army) they moved to West Germany. They came home a few years later with the token cuckoo clock and a baby – me. My dad dropped my mom and me off in Michigan and went to Vietnam for a short time. He caught the end of the war…and was sent there to help organize and get people out. He rarely talked about that time, and I wished I had asked more questions. He went to Ft. Belvoir, VA, where my sister, Pam, was born. Then we moved to Fort Bragg, NC, living in Fayetteville, where my brother, Craig, was born. We then moved to Bloomington, Indiana so my dad could get his master’s degree in finance. When he graduated, we moved back to Fort Bragg, NC. My dad continued to do well in his Army career and was selected for Command and General Staff College in Ft. Leavenworth, KS. We were there about 10 months before my dad took a remote job in South Korea. He was there for a year while we lived in Breckenridge, Michigan…and I went to the same junior high/high school he had attended…and marched in the same marching band, playing the alto saxophone. I am pretty sure I wore the same gold wool marching sweaters they wore 2 decades prior. When he was done with his overseas assignment, we went to live in Alexandria, VA, where my dad could commute with thousands of other military folks to the Pentagon. We were there three years and then moved to Fort Polk, Louisiana, where my dad took command of the 7th Engineer Battalion. I am not sure if anyone appreciated my dad’s assignment there more than him. After living in the DC area, Louisiana seemed so backwards. As always, he helped us see something good in every assignment we lived through….a lesson I continued on when I went into the military and married a military man. They then went back to northern Virginia so my dad could again work at the Pentagon. I moved away to college. Pam graduated and moved away as well. My parents and Craig, now in high school, moved to Buffalo, NY for my dad to be in charge of the Corps of Engineers District at Niagara Falls. My brother graduated and went to college. My parents moved again to Fort Monroe, VA, where my dad ended his military career at 29.5 years. They were going to send him back to the Pentagon and he just didn’t have the patience for the traffic anymore. They retired to rural Michigan, where they had met, and built a beautiful home out in the countryside. They lived there for several years until my dad started having eye and some cognitive issues. They decided to move to where their youngest grandkids were, in Houston, Texas. My dad started seeing physicians in the big city and it was discovered he had had at least one but maybe several TIAs (mini strokes). It had affected his vision and possibly his cognitive skills.
My mom kept my dad at home with her until it was so taxing that it was affecting her health. In late January of 2023, my dad entered memory care at a facility about 1.5 miles from their house. I was there to help transition him there, and the first lonely night for my mom at home without him. It broke my heart to know this was how it was going to be from now on. Fast forward three years and a month and we are at today: my dad’s 79th birthday. He has no idea who anyone is. He doesn’t know his kids, the workers who care for him, or his wife. My mom goes there for lunch and dinner 6 days a week to feed him. He has forgotten how to feed himself and doesn’t really chew. His food is pureed and looks very unappetizing, but he continues to open his mouth like a baby bird when my mom asks him to. His is wheelchair bound and has forgotten how to walk…how to help people with his own care. He hasn’t forgotten his sweet tooth though, and enjoys a good desert, even if it is pureed. He will get cake and ice cream today and he will be happy. He won’t understand that it is his birthday, but he will enjoy the sweets. I am headed to Houston to see my mom on her birthday in April, so I am looking forward to holding this man’s hand and hopefully letting him feel the love come through. This post was kind of long but the future is never guaranteed…I don’t know if he will see 80…I don’t know if I will be around for him to see 80 if he does. So, happy birthday, Dad. I love you and can’t wait to see you in about 6 weeks!


I love this post! And, I learned a few new things about Uncle Walt too. Thanks for this post Cyndi. Give your dad a hug from me. Love to you all ❤️
Jen
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