World Cancer Day

February 4th is World Cancer Day. I just got done watching the Stanford women’s basketball team win over UCLA decisively whilst wearing their pink uniforms to honor cancer patients. Pink tends to be identified as bringing awareness to breast cancer. Today, however, is for ALL cancers….whether your ribbon is pink, green, turquoise, orange, navy, white, black, or purple, like mine. Today honors all the fighters out there, slogging through each day as best we can. It honors those who have gone before us and fallen in the fight, to remember their valiant efforts to help others coming behind them by talking to researchers, agreeing to clinical trials, and recording their struggles and triumphs. No one with cancer dies in vain. I have lost a lot of friends since the last year. I am an active part in a cancer zoom group out of Nebraska of chronic cancer patients. These folks saved me when I was diagnosed almost 4.5 years ago. They became my cancer tribe….the people I could talk about anything to and they would laugh and not be horrified. Four of those wonderful ladies have died in that core group of about 7 or 8 of us. I miss them. I miss seeing their smiles and their laughs…even in the midst of some really serious stuff going on in their lives. I have a very close friend who is struggling with cancer reoccurrence right now. It isn’t good, but man, she is a fighter and I know she will be giving it her all. I almost feel guilty. I was given a death sentence in Oct 2019. Here I am living life to its fullest everyday and doing pretty good. I don’t want you to think it is a cake walk. It isn’t. I am on so many pills everyday….and shots once a month…and IV infusions every 3 months. But I have embraced my “normal” and have run with it. What were my options, really? Cancer can be a very isolating disease. I think about that every time I am in a CT scanner….in that huge whirring donut tube where a recording tells me to hold my breath as I am mechanically rolled in and out of the tube and then IV contrast is pushed into my system that makes me feel like I am being boiled from the inside out for about 60-90 seconds, where they repeat the scans again. My life is so much easier than so many I know with my disease of leiomyosarcoma. I am thankful for that and after losing Joe, I know not to waste a single minute of it.

Little catch up on us….we had our fire department awards night last night. It was fun to see all the guys gussied up. I am used to seeing them in dirty Carhart pants and mucking boots and hoodies. On calls, we are all in our bunker gear. So to see folks in dress shirts and pants and even several ties…it made me smile. They announced our new lieutenants and the firefighter of the year (which is my new lieutenant). There were blooper awards which launched into embellished stories of people’s screw ups. It was a fun evening.

Today we went to Mass and the celebrant was our bishop! Our parish is called a part of a deanery, and we are a part of the diocese of Helena, Montana. (3.5 hours drive from us) It was nice to meet him and to hear his homily. I have befriended a little guy named Vinnie who sits in front of us during Mass. He is maybe 8 years old. I am not good at guessing anymore. He has 3 sisters. He is the 2nd oldest. He noticed my Maltese cross I wear everyday with Joe’s OFD badge number on it. He noticed there was writing on the back as well. I told him it was in both English and in Italian. He told me he was a quarter Italian. (He was very proud of that!) We had a really great talk after Mass before he got distracted by something. (He is an 8 year old boy, after all). We stopped by the firehall on the way home and did some chores there. We got home and it was snowing pretty steadily. I put on my Carhart pants and mucking boots and Rich and I took Tallinn for a walk. He loves the snow. He chases snowballs and gets so disappointed when they disappear. I took this photo of him intent on watching Rich making a snow ball to toss for him. Total concentration. He wore himself out bounding in the dense 8 inch snow we have right now in our neighborhood. He has been tuckered out in his dog bed all afternoon. He is loving life in Montana. I think the only thing he misses about Nebraska is the mailman. We have to walk about 1/3 of a mile to the neighborhood post office box. He doesn’t see mail trucks anymore, which he recognizes and knows they contain the mail man…who brings treats for him….at least in Nebraska. We have so few cars in our area that he rarely has anything to look at. He does give the UPS man a bark every now and then. He is not as happy with them – never even liked their trucks going by in Nebraska either. Tallinn enjoys watching the deer….and playing in a big yard. I think he likes his bed being in my office where he can just hang with me all day. I was studying at the kitchen table the other day and he plopped himself down by my side in the dining room on the floor with a sigh. He is still my little side kick. I fell off a step ladder on Friday….I am fine….it was just a clumsy move on my part…but I fell pretty hard. He was right there trying to hug my neck with his and licking my face (which is not something he normally does). He was pretty concerned, poor guy. I am so lucky to have this little guy in my life!