It has been a hot minute since I have written anything on this blog. I have plenty of excuses but the biggest one is that the holidays are just hard. It pretty much starts at Joe’s birthday, which is November 13th…goes through Thanksgiving (which we unilaterally skip now)…and into Christmas. What is even harder than Christmas is New Year’s. A lot of fellow grieving moms have shared they feel the same way. Starting a new year when our Joe won’t be a part of it – that is just really hard. There is no rejoicing when the ball drops. I have been reduced to tears for 2 years in a row now. Our tradition was to call each of our kids wherever they were and wish them Happy New Year at midnight. I miss that. I thought as we ventured further into January, I would bounce back but that has not happened. We have travelled a lot in January and for many reasons, I was unable to attend my online grief zoom groups and unable to really allow myself to grieve when I wanted and that all kind of built up until I was home and could decompress a bit. So here I am, at the end of January, playing catch up. But buckle up, people. I am going to catch you up and there is a lot to catch up on.
Tim was able to fly to Montana for just a couple of days from San Diego over the holidays. The airlines are a hot mess and with cancellations happening here and there for his flight into Kalispell (our nearest airport about 25 minutes away), we finally spend the extra time and money to have him fly into Spokane, Washington (4 hours away). This allowed us a little more time with him, as he flew out Christmas afternoon. He is the head sports performance coach for the women’s basketball team at UC San Diego and they are in season right now, so he is super busy. He had never been to Montana before let alone seen our new home, so that was fun. At least in this house he has his own bedroom and bathroom to use when he is here. He seemed to really like the area. We had a day to romp around in the snow in Glacier National Park and play some board games with just the four of us before company came for Christmas. Tim enjoys skiing so we are hoping he’ll be back post season for a longer amount of time to go skiing with his dad and getting to see the area a bit more. He recently got to go to Hawai’i for a conference game. He got to lead his team in yoga stretches on the beach at sunset after getting off the plane. Before the game, he got up with the sun and took a surfing lesson. Joe learned to surf in Norway in a wet suit due to the cold temps (I remember being on the beach in a winter coat taking pictures of him surfing in the snow. Joe would have really been stoked for him to do this!)
Lily had a super long break between the end of her fall semester and the beginning of her spring semester. She finished on December 8th, drove with her roommate up to Omaha and then flew to Montana on December 10th. It was great to have her here. She still likes to spend a lot of time in her room doing whatever it is she does when she is in her room…but when she is out and talkative, it is those times I treasure. She didn’t fly back until January 20th! Unfortunately, we flew out on January 14th and didn’t return until after she left for Omaha. We missed her last week of vacation as we were on a business trip. She was happy to hang out with Tallinn and watch the snow pile up. The week she was here on her own, there was 20 inches of snow that fell. She loves to watch the deer in our yard. This was the longest stint she has had yet in Montana. She like her room because she now has a king-sized bed and a bathroom in her bedroom. She really only needs to exit her room if she is hungry. (insert eye roll here) She seems to like attending Kansas City Art Institute. She is learning that having a best friend is awesome but living with them in a dorm room is a different scenario all the way around. She has had a rough couple of weeks. At the end of last year, she was driving down the highway in Kansas City at night and a white van side-swiped her car and just kept going. She was fine…her car was not damaged too badly, but it was just a lesson in how uncool people can be. On her way from Omaha to Kansas City to start classes a week or so ago, she hit black ice and slid off the highway into the median where she was stuck. She was north of St. Joseph, Missouri in the middle of nowhere and waited about 2 hours for the tow truck to pull her car back onto the highway. No injuries…car was fine. I, however, was trying very hard not to have a panic attack down in Florida, where I couldn’t help her at all. I would like to think Joe was right there, holding that car so it didn’t flip and landing it in the median out of the way of oncoming traffic. Lily keeps her cool. She doesn’t wig out over anything but bugs. She sent me a text and said, “Is it a good time to call you and Dad?” I told her yes, so she called her dad and laid out the story. Having her older brother die in a snow storm almost 2 years prior didn’t help the situation in my heart. I am glad she keeps her cool. The next day was the first day of school and her first class was cancelled due to icy roads. This week, she sent us a text calmly telling us that she thought she might need to make an insurance claim. Her car was parked at KCAI and someone decided the car care kit I gave her for Christmas, a couple of dollars in change and a large pack of toilet paper was worth breaking her back passenger window in her car to steal. A security guard noticed her car window was smashed and texted her. He walked her to her car and then helped her seal it up with a garbage bag until she could get it replaced. Let’s hope that is the end of the drama for the spring semester. When we came home to Montana, we started noticing little tiny rubber ducks about 1/2 inch tall in the most random locations around the house – in potted plants, the microwave, on top of a thermostat….we have found like 8 so far. She won’t tell us how many are hidden. She just said that we MAY find them all before she comes home for the summer in May. Ha! I sent her a package of rubber duckie stickers. She is contemplating placing them randomly all over campus. We are just happy that she is happy. She has matured a bit in her time away from home and she has come out of her shell a bit (not that she was ever in a shell around us at home!).
Rich and I continue to enjoy our time with the volunteer fire department. I may have mentioned before….maybe not, but we have both said that we really feel close to Joe when we are with the fire department…either on training events or calls. A lot of the guys we go on calls with are around Joe’s age, so that is nice as well. The jury is out if that is keeping me young or making me feel old. Maybe a bit of both. Depends on the situation. Rich and I went on a fire call Christmas Eve and Joe was definitely with us on that one. We also brought in Kansas City’s New Year in on a fire call. We also went on a call on his birthday. Joe seems to know when we need to spend time with him. Rich and I, along with four other guys from our hall attended several hours of Wildland Fire Basic class. They call it the 5th season here…winter, spring, summer, wildfire season, then fall. We had a large fire not far from us this past late summer. Now we have the training to participate on the ground if we want. I still need to get my wildland boots yet. I guess the Army/Navy store in Kalispell has some that meet the requirements. Rich is waiting to see if he will get into the 2 week Firefighter 1 class in April. I start emergency medical responder class on Thursday. We have 8 hours of classes a week for 4 weeks then end the course with 3 eight-hour days in the classroom. Hopefully by March 3rd, I will be certified by the state. That is next on my agenda tonight…studying a bit. Depending on how this goes, I may go to school for my EMT license in April.
I mentioned that Lily got to witness 20 inches of snow fall the week we were gone. Prior to that we had a deep freeze the likes they haven’t seen around here in 30 years. The ambient temperature was -34 degrees on day. It was just miserable. I actually went out on few fire calls in that weather. Let me tell you, bunker gear will keep you warm. It didn’t keep our trucks from having issues though. What was really interesting was the Flathead River had all this steam coming off of it because the water was so much warmer than the air. It was eerie. Since we have been home (less than a week now) the weather has been unseasonably warm. We have a lot of trees around our neck of the woods, so there is a lot of shade. Our street is pure ice. I go out to go on a fire call and I look like I am driving the General Lee on the Duke’s of Hazzard – my back end swerves every which way…and I have 4 wheel drive! It has actually been raining a bit. We hear the running of the melting snow. We now look to have about 8 inches of snow, but it is heavy and compacted.
If everything else wasn’t enough, I was offered a slot in a writing through grief class that I am taking online for 5 weeks. It has been pretty interesting so far and I like the writing prompts. I hope to be able to sit down and write about the day that Joe died soon. It has been almost 2 years now. I want to get it all out before the details begin to blur. That class is taking up about 4 hours a week as well.
For the big news….drum roll….Rich and I are starting a new business! We have joined the franchise called Cruise Planners. It is a very well-known travel advisory company based out of Coral Springs, Florida. We have been SLOWLY learning some of the basics via zoom with our foundations coach once a week. We had 6 days of all-day training in Fort Lauderdale, Florida a couple of weeks ago. (we had a 110 degree temperature swing from Montana to Florida.) We were at the convention center from 7:30 a.m. to about 5:30 p.m. every day – so we didn’t get to enjoy the warm, sunny weather. We took walks at night. We were in the marina near the port of Fort Lauderdale, so we had a lot of very expensive yachts just outside our hotel. We woke up daily to see which cruise ships had glided into port during the night. We had a lot to learn! It was like trying to take a sip of water from a fire hose. SO MUCH INFORMATION! We had 79 people in our class, from all over the U.S. and from all walks of life. It was wonderful to meet them all. On the last day, we got to tour the Sky Princess ship. It was fun to see the different types of staterooms and then have a meal in the dining room with just our class. We will be working from our home and able to help anyone who wants to schedule a trip and let us deal with all the details. We can help with land tours, cruises, flights, hotel stays, and excursions….all over the globe. We are excited to share our travel experience with others. Our website is up and running…. www.crownjewelcruiseplanners.com . We also have a business facebook group called Crown Jewel Cruise Planners. Look us up and contact us if you want to see how we can help you!
After our class ended, we drove up to see Rich’s parents (4.5 hours away), stopping to see Rich’s uncle/Godfather along the way. We spent 4 days with his parents. We also got to see some cousins, anther Uncle and Aunt, and spend more time with Rich’s sister, Tammie. She came up to Montana and spent the holidays with us. Rich’s mom continues to mentally decline due to Alzheimer’s. It is hard to see a woman I have known for over 30 years and her not know me, or my husband, her son. It is emotionally, physically, and mentally draining to care for adults with memory loss issues due to dementia or Alzheimer’s, so we are thankful that Rich’s dad does have some help coming in several times a week to give him a break from being her caregiver. We were there during peak manatee season, so took a quick detour to say hi to several dozen.
Well, to leave in the middle of this blog post for a fire call, and now it is getting late. Studying will have to wait until morning, I think. Here are a few photos I mentioned in this post:
Messina Musings 