Alright…we have been here 10 days and we leave to head back to Omaha tomorrow morning. EVERYONE has been asking for photos of the house. We have been working really hard to get all the boxes unpacked and put away most of the things. The three bedrooms upstairs are still a work in progress, but all the other living spaces are set up. Thanks to Rich, we even have things on the walls. So here are a few photos of the house….inside and out.

Sorry for the crazy order in which I posted this…but it is a lovely house and we love it. Now if we could only CLOSE on it! I refuse to name on my blog who the company is until it is all said and done, but man, I do NOT recommend them! We are still waiting for our mattress to arrive, so currently we are using Lily’s queen mattress on our king size platform. It is a little hinky getting in and out of bed with 8 inches or so of extra wood on either side of the bed, but it will work until we get back. It should be in by then. Rich doesn’t have a desk yet. We have looked at the furniture stores here….all three of them. We have traveled around the Flathead Valley looking at desks on Craig’s list. Still no joy. We will get it figured out. Unfortunately, there is only the two of us and it is supposed to go upstairs, so it can’t be a beast of a desk.

We have met four of our neighbors in our little neighborhood. They are all a bit older than us and are lovely people. Two of them brought us loaves of bread, which was really wonderful. (It’s gone!) Another brought us cookies. I think we will go around and bring cookies to our neighbors and introduce ourselves once we get back and have some time. I was telling my mom tonight that we have really busted our humps trying to get this house set up…and we haven’t had anytime to sit and enjoy it yet.

We did go to the annual open house for the Bad Rock Volunteer Fire Department, which is just under a mile away. We had hamburgers and Rich had ice cream cones and we talked with the chief for quite awhile. We walked away with two applications. They meet for two hours every Thursday night for training. We will see if we have anything to offer to them. I may not be able to do the firefighting, but with my nursing background, may be able to help with the QRU (quick response unit) doing EMT stuff. We will follow up with them when we return. We also have attended St. Richard’s Catholic Church in Columbia Falls the last two Sundays. We enjoy the priest. He is more on the conservative side and is shared with St. Charles Romero Catholic Church in Whitefish. They don’t have daily Mass, but they do have Mass once a week at either parish and the Latin Mass is one of two Masses offered each weekend. We will see. We need to attend a few more times before we think about having to travel 25 minutes versus 10. Well, off to pack so we can take off bright and early.

We arrived in Columbia Falls, Montana a week ago. It was not a smooth move….however, we are now here and we have not found anything broken yet. We took the first half of the day off to go to Glacier National Park. The weather has been cold since we arrived. We opened all the windows the first night we slept here (last Friday) and it dropped down to 40 degrees that night. It hasn’t been above 63 degrees since then and the nights have been pretty cool. This is not normal for this time of year, but it is what it is. It has also been raining off and on…. which meant it was snowing in the park up on the pass. Today it was 10 degrees warmer, and the sun was out in force, so we took a break to enjoy it. In all of our trips to Montana, we have never been able to make it all the way through Glacier National Park on Going-to-the-Sun Road. Today we were able to make it to the section we had not been to before. We were rewarded with gorgeous views and some rocky mountain big horned sheep and some mountain goats. We also saw a lot of mountain prairie dog-like critters and marmots. Marmots can be quite large. We met a man on a trail who swore he just saw two wolverines. Nope. Marmots. There was even a park ranger nearby who said it was most likely marmots….as one scampered out into view right on cue.

We have had a few hiccups with this move, as I mentioned. We moved ourselves and the packers (hired to pack the furniture and wall hangings) were done in less than 90 minutes and said the movers loading our U-Haul would do most of that. Well, they did not. Rich finally, after a frustrating morning of them not doing a stellar job, just asked them to leave. We also found out we had a leak of axle grease on our new driveway in Omaha. Not only did the stain on the driveway not come out, we had to drive the U-Haul to a garage to have it repaired with all our stuff in the back of it. It took them 3 hours. Then Rich repacked the back of the U-Haul….allowing for lots of other things to be added. I thought we would leave by about 1 p.m. to start heading to Montana. After several setbacks, we finally pulled out at 7:45. I drove Rich’s humongous truck pulling a 16-foot trailer from the store. Rich drove the 26-foot U-Haul truck. We drove 22 hours to get here. We tried to avoid major cities and such with our long loads. We arrived last Thursday afternoon. We got our keys to get into the house on Friday. We are currently renting the house until closing. The company we are working with (we had no choice whatsoever), is miserably slow and bad with communication. We would love to close prior to us having to drive back to Omaha early next week. We shall see. We have had some furniture we ordered delivered already and that has helped make the house seem like home. We have another delivery tomorrow morning and we plan to work hard on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to get things situated and have everything pretty much set for when we return in a few weeks with Lily and Tallinn.

We finally got our post office mailbox keys yesterday so Rich could get his cards from the kids. I have yet to be able to pin down an oncologist here in Montana. They are not making the transition easy and because of that, I am missing a shot this month. I am trying not to let it worry me, but it is frustrating that no one seems to care. I will reserve judgement until after I meet them. So far I have yet to be able to get past the person who deals with new patients. Hopefully she will call me back tomorrow and we can get the ball rolling. Maybe I will just pop in and say hello tomorrow and perhaps she won’t be able to blow me off if I am standing in front of her face.

Our house. I absolutely love it! It is so spacious and airy and light with so many windows and so much room! I know we will be very happy here and when the winters come and we are homebound for days at a time, it will be something enjoyable. Rich got us rocking chairs for the front porch. They are lovely and just in front of my office window….forever tempting me to come out on the porch and sit and rock for awhile. Joe’s windchimes are hanging there….our American flag, and as of last night, a hummingbird feeder. We have never had one before but we have a LOT of hummingbirds flitting around our house so I thought I would give them a reason to stay for awhile. We have seen hummingbirds and deer everyday in our yard. It has been very neat. Haven’t seen a rabbit or a squirrel since we came into Montana though. There are also no cardinals….but hey…there are stellar jays and robins and bald eagles and hummingbirds! Our grass was up to our knees when we arrived but the realtor group we are working with had it cut for us yesterday, which was one less thing to try and do. We had a couple of issues with our fridge and freezer….it went into demo mode and turned itself off just a few hours after we put food in the fridge and freezer. Thank goodness for Google! Our internet also had a glitch in it overnight a couple of nights ago and wouldn’t recognize our password anymore. Luckily, it was nothing we did and a phone call to the cable company got it fixed on their end. So there have been some hiccups, but I still love the place and can’t wait to be here full time. We have two family trips, back-to-back coming up and then we can be up here for a few weeks before we have to leave to get Lily to college in mid-August. It is supposed to rain the next three days, so that is a blessing to make us really hunker down and get more of the house finished.

I wanted to share some photos from Glacier National Park today. The field of yellow is from around the corner of our house. It is a field of canola. It is so vibrantly yellow, you almost need sunglasses to look at it!

I wanted to empty out the photos on my camera prior to leaving. I had a few shots from my long walk in the Overland Park Arboretum with my daughter-in-law, Michelle a few weeks ago. There is also a few photos of “The Embrace” statue at the Omaha Memorial Park at sunset at the beginning of the week. I had a fun excursion this morning which I will post about in the next day or two before we head out to Montana on Tuesday. Even at the arboretum, cardinals followed and sang to Michelle and me. Even on today’s excursion, a cardinal sang overhead to me as we listened to the animal keepers talk. Joe is always showing me that he is with us.

At this point, you must see that I am procrastinating packing the remainder of the house. We are supposed to pull out of here on Tuesday afternoon, if all goes well. I have several hours of packing left…but will get a lion’s share done tonight and tomorrow afternoon.

Something I haven’t shared much about with you all is what I am doing to help me with my grief. Notice I did not say “combat” my grief, but it isn’t something that I should be fighting against. It is something I am learning to live with. I have used this analogy with a couple of groups of grieving friends. One groups thought it was great, the other group thought I was a fruit loop. Choose your camp. I used to care what people thought of me. It is no longer a priority in my life. I see grief as a linebacker; a big, burly 350 lb guy that grunts and the ground squeaks when he walks under the weight of his massiveness. This linebacker called Grief is holding my hand. We are forever entwined in my life. Somedays, I am not paying close attention to where I am headed and I trip over Grief and he falls on top of me….and the pain I feel as he is literally crushing the very breath out of me is all-consuming. I don’t think I will survive it. There are days when we walk easily hand-in-hand, talking about Joe and laughing about the antics he got up to during his life. We reminisce about his smile…his inability to spell words so creatively with his dyslexia. It is a give and take relationship with me and Grief. He does have a firm grip on my hand and we are in it together. That is how I see grief. For my rugby friends, Grief is a huge 8 man that is from New Zealand and most likely a Maori guy with swirling tattoos and built like Dwayne Johnson (the Rock).

So what have I been doing to work with my grief? I spent the last year meeting with a Stephen Minister from a local Methodist Church. I have come before my parish leaders several times telling them how much this is needed in our own parish, but it appears the Catholic Church in Omaha has not caught on to this phenomenal program. My mom and dad both served as Stephen Ministers…my mom is the Stephen Ministry leader for her very large Lutheran Church in Texas. Stephen Ministry is a listening ministry. The people who go through the program have a year or more of intense training. If someone is going through a hard time….a death…an extended illness….a divorce….an estrangement….a loss of a job….so many things that can cause a lot of stress – they can ask for a Stephen Minister to start meeting with them. A woman is matched with a female Stephen Minister and a man meets with a male Stephen Minister. They typically meet in their home or at a set location where there is privacy for just the two of them to talk for about an hour a week….or whatever they decide. My Stephen Minister’s name was Laura. She would ask me questions and just listen. She never gave me advice or anything like that. She would just ask more questions. Listening to what I was saying out loud helped me sort through everything. She often let me talk about Joe unceasingly….she would ask me how I felt close or not close to him that week. She asked about family dynamics with our complicated sudden grief along with my terminal illness mixed in. Laura was a safe place for me to just talk. I always was so amazed at how much I had to say each week. We then ended each hour with a prayer between the two of us. I met with Laura for the last time this past week. I will miss her a lot. Stephen Ministers typically cannot have more than one care receiver at a time. She has been assigned a new person. I have no doubt she will be a blessing to her as she was to me.

I have been to a class at St. Patrick’s Catholic Church in Elkhorn called “Jesus Wept”. It is a day long retreat which really helps me to focus in on Joe and my grief for him. I met some wonderful people there….couples who are also grieving for their children. Some of them I will have long lasting relationships with because they are the people I feel safest to just talk to around. They GET IT. (and I am so sorry they do). They are my new tribe. They come to the table with their big linebackers holding their hands as well. Some of the moms get together via zoom for about 90 minutes once a month to go over a chapter in a book we are all reading together on grief…or to hear a guest speaker talk to us about how to help our living kids deal with this horrible loss. I love this group so much. There are a few of us Catholic moms who have spun off and meet in a coffee shop in Gretna every now and then. One of the moms said it best when she said,”I knew I had found my people when the first tear fell and everyone pulled out their kleenex from their purses and threw them in the middle of the table for us all to use.” (and we did use them all up that day).

All of these groups are great…but they are not meeting very often. I knew I needed to have more help on a more frequent basis. I joined a program online called Tender Hearts. It is run by a grief expert named David Kessler. Yes, I pay something like $34 a month, but I have the ability to sit in on zoom grief meetings four times a week. I also get a 10 minute video and homework to do each week. I have gotten to know a lot of the other grieving moms from all over the world who are on the site. We let each other talk about our ups and downs, and about our kids who have died. There is no real cross talk…we just witness each other’s grief. I have been so impressed with David’s program, that I signed up to take his grief educator’s course. He only offers it once a year, and the timing was not great, but I am almost done with it now. The course ends at the end of June. I spend maybe 5 hours a week working on class work or doing labs, which I really enjoy. I hope to take what I have learned and be a peer to peer grief educator up in Montana. We already have met and bonded somewhat with a family in our new neighborhood who also lost an adult child. I would like to hopefully get involved in Compassionate Friends (which is a nationwide program for grieving parents, siblings, and grandparents). We’ll see how that goes. Right now, I know that almost everyday of the week I can hop online and zoom with fellow grievers who are learning to live with grief. It is a safe place for me to share my feelings and thoughts and to be witnessed and not judged. It has really helped me a lot. The number of “aha!” moments I have had is embarrassing. I was a perinatal grief counselor when I was in the Air Force as a nurse. I took a LOT of coursework on how to deal with people in grief. Yet I was totally immobilized by grief when Joe died. This has really helped me realize a lot about myself, my family, my friends, and my former friends. I am hoping to pretty much turn over a new leaf when I move. It is a scary thing, change. I have had a lot of it in the last few years and in the process I have been hurt very deeply by a lot of people who probably don’t even realize that their silence was deafening to me. I have a lot of good, solid people in my life. I don’t necessarily need all the ancillary ones anymore. I just can’t carry friendships that are mostly one-sided anymore. I am so very tired. I now have defined what I need for my own journey going forward…and people pleasing just isn’t in the cards anymore. Crazy that it took getting stage IV cancer and then enduring the death of a child to wake myself up to all of this. So I am tightening my tribe and moving on….with Grief holding my hand as I move away. I feel healthier emotionally than I have in a long time and I am so very thankful for that. That doesn’t mean that I don’t break down and cry a lot….because I do…and that is okay. The tears cleanse my soul so I can pick myself up and continue on. Joe would want that for me.

I cannot even begin to tell you how much this zoo has meant to me. When we first arrived back in 2010, we hadn’t been to zoos in many years because we lived overseas. The Henry Doorly Zoo looked quite a bit different 13 years ago…as they are always under construction it seems, to grow the zoo and make the place bigger and better for the animals and the people who come to see them. I remember taking the three kids to see the zoo and it was AMAZING. We went back the next weekend, we loved it so much. It was our go-to place when we were bored and Rich was out of town with the Air Force. Both Tim and Joe went through phases of wanting to be zoologists. They grew up with Zoboomafoo (and the Kratt brothers) and Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter…and then Jeff Corwin…another biologist who was on TV during their childhood. They grew up loving animals…wild and domesticated. When Joe died, we became patrons of this wonderful zoo in his name. I renewed with the awe of the animals and realized I felt very close to Joe and his spirit when I am at the zoo. I usually go by myself…sometimes with Lily tagging along to photograph the animals. When I am alone, I almost always will see a cardinal…even at other zoos in other states. I feel like Joe is letting me know he is there with me enjoying the animals.

This was my last trip to the Omaha Henry Doorly Zoo for the time being. I signed up for a behind-the-scenes encounter with an adult cheetah. There were 6 of us in the class and we went to an open-air auditorium and got to see a male cheetah. So cheetahs in Omaha….there are several groups evidently. There is a female and her siblings who are the wild ones on display at the zoo. One of these wily cats actually escaped their enclosure a month or two ago. She was kind enough to just patiently be corralled by the zookeepers back to her enclosure. There is another group of adult cheetahs who live at the zoo but are not on display. This was who we met on this day. At the Wildlife Safari (in Ashland, NE – part of the Omaha Zoo but located about 30 minutes away) they have a cheetah breeding program. It is not on display at all but is a breeding program in that large area. I am actually going to see the baby cheetahs tomorrow morning (yay!) at a separate behind-the-scenes encounter. But back to May 10th…I got a chance to see a very large male cheetah. He had two zookeepers with him and had two separate leashes on for the safety of everyone. Evidently, he is a larger male. He was able to purr on demand (and rewarded with meat). He was a sweetheart. He meowed and sounded like a tiny house cat. We all laughed so hard every time he meowed as it was so high pitched and tiny sounding. After we got to ask questions to the zookeepers, we were released to walk around the zoo prior to it opening. That was interesting to see the zookeepers getting the areas ready for the animals to be brought outside in their enclosures. They were cleaning and mowing, and spreading around food and toys for them to play with. I also spent a lot of time at the elephant enclosure. Duh. I just am so in love with those baby elephants! There is Mopani, the youngest male, born in March, and then Sonny and Eugenia, who are now 17 months old. They were born two weeks from each other. All three of the babies are half siblings. They have the same dad with different moms. There is another two elephant moms pregnant now. There will be another little one born in late summer and then another in the spring of 2024. I have a photo or two of the very pregnant elephant in the herd. She is the matriarch of the herd’s daughter. The matriarch is the one due in the spring. I will be surprised if this little one doesn’t come early, because mom is already very wide. With her ears out and flared…it barely covers her sides. You’ll see the photos below. The three little ones were in rare form. It was a hot day and Mopani’s mom, Lolli, was trying to teach him how to roll in the mud hole. Mopani wasn’t having it. He did get stuck there, and momma had to use her trunk to help him out. She is such an attentive mom. The toddlers had the zoomies and were all over the place. They are so close in age and are always together. They are pretty tolerant of their little half brother, but at times, they seem to tire of him trying to be “with the big kids”. There is 14 months between the older two and Mopani….but you can see the size difference. Mopani still has a lot of “baby fuzz” on him. Sonny and Eugenia are getting more smoothy and wrinkly like their parents. I may have to make a special trip back to see the next little one. Capturing photos with the three littles is amazing….four would be amazing. Five would just be CRAZY. So I will have to see if I can come visit. The dad of all these cutie pies is Callee, and he was moved to Sedgwick County Zoo in Wichita, KS….another one of my favorite zoos. I guess having gotten 5 female elephants here pregnant, they thought he should take his virile self to another group of ladies. Anyhow, here are some of the cute photos I was able to capture about a month ago. Enjoy!

There has been a lot of packing going on in the house. This is stressing out Tallinn. He is never far from my side. I do slow down and am watching the NBA playoff games. This is Tallinn sitting next to me, snuggled up with his lovey. He is one of those dogs that enjoys watching TV. If there is any kind of animal…even a cartoon of an animal….or any kind of automobile….he is up and in front of the TV ready to get whichever he things needs chasing on the wall.

Tonight I took Lily to Memorial Park here in Omaha. There is a new traveling statue here called “Embracing Peace”. It is recreation of the famous photograph taken on VJ Day where a sailor got caught up in the celebration of the war ending and grabbed a random nurse and kissed her soundly. It was caught on camera and put on the cover of Life Magazine on August 14th, 1945. The statue is 26 feet tall, and weighs 35, 000 lbs. It will be here in Omaha until November, where it will be reloaded onto a flatbed truck and sent on to the next lucky city. I absolutely love it!

The Olathe Fire Department was well represented this morning. Down in KC, the guys were doing a stair climb. This was the message sent to me from James from his crew today, which totally brought tears to my eyes. These are just the greatest guys in the world.

Meanwhile, back in Omaha, I walked in a Remembrance Walk today. It was pretty hot outside…in the 90’s and humid, but there were lots of opportunities to duck under a tent to paint butterfly ornaments, work on a large butterfly remembrance mural by painting in the colors, or pet a dog up for adoption. There were a couple of friends of mine there walking for the memory of their children. They had their families and friends of their kids with them walking. Unfortunately, Rich is out of town at a hockey tournament and Lily had multiple graduation parties for friends today. I was helping to paint part of the mural and was working on a section with an older woman. We were given buttons of our loved ones, so I had a photo of Joe in his bunker gear. She kept staring at me. I was wondering if I had managed to smear cobalt blue paint across my face. She finally asked me if I had been to one of these Remembrance Walks before. I told her I had not. I then asked her who she was here to honor. Her button was a young girl…under the age of 10 most likely, and in black and white. The woman was in her 70’s maybe. She told me she was here for her daughter, who died in a house fire. She then pointed at my shirt. I told her I was here for my son, Joe, a firefighter. It was just an interesting moment shared. My dear friend, Michele Nagel, joined me with her youngest son to walk. We used to do kickboxing together at the crack of dawn 5 days a week. She wanted to make sure I wasn’t there alone and I can’t tell you how much I appreciated that. She had also lost two little ones over the last few years and so we honored them as well. There were some really thoughtful signs along the way to read. They also handed out beads for different losses. The butterfly release was really nice as well. It was a really nice event to attend, and I am so glad I did. Thanks to Steph for letting me know it was happening and for Michele for driving out to be by my side. FF Joe Messina, OFD badge #446, was well represented today.

Most of you know that we do not have blood family in Nebraska. We have a lot of friends we consider family, but there are only Rich, Lily, and me here in Nebraska. When Lily graduated on May 21st, we had a lot of family come to help celebrate. Her brother, Tim, flew in from East Palo Alto, CA. Her Aunt Tammie and Nana and Nano flew in from New Port Richey, FL. Her Grandma, Uncle Craig, Aunt Mayra, and cousins, Alex and Emily Jo came from Houston, TX. Her Aunt Pam, Uncle Brian, and cousins, Kara, Alyssa, and Micah drove from Goshen, IN. Her sister-in-law, Michelle, drove up from Kansas City. We were really blessed and humbled to have them all join us to celebrate Lily’s accomplishments. We had all of my side of the family together, minus my dad, who is in memory care and unable to travel. He was missed. We had all the cousins together though and took photos with together and with their grandma. Rich’s mother also has Alzheimer’s, so it was an interesting weekend reminding her who was who and why we were doing certain things. It was special to see Michelle meet the newest cousin, Emily Jo….named after her husband, Joe. Craig was Joe’s Godfather. Now Rich and I have been asked to be her Godparents when she is baptized. Joe was missed, and my dad was missed, but we really had a wonderful time celebrating Lily and it was nice to see her enjoying herself for the day! I have a few shots from her actual graduation at the Baxter Arena. When I asked Lily why she was paired with one of the tallest people in her class, she said she hadn’t even noticed! She comes up to his elbow! Thank you again for all the family and friends who came to wish Lily well. I know she deeply appreciated it and so did we.

Okay, so I have been married for nearly 32 years….so I know that I have been in love with Rich for a long time. I have three wonderful children and one daughter-in-law who I know I love. I even have a dog who has my undying love for his unconditional love for me. BUT….there is this new little guy at the zoo that makes my heart swell…and his name is Mopani. He was born March 2nd and he is adorable! His mom, Lolly, is one of the most beautiful African elephants I have ever seen. Mopani has a half brother and sister who are 14 months older than him. I thought they looked little. He plays the role of little brother so well that I find myself in fits of laughter at their antics together. He wants to be with the big kids and he isn’t always welcome yet by his half siblings. Mopani does have another half sibling due at the end of summer…so he won’t be the baby for long. There is yet another elephant calf due in the spring of 2024. I may need to plan a trip back to see 5 baby elephants together. Elephants are a matriarchal society, and the moms and babies often hang out together, along with the herd matriarch and her daughter, who are both the pregnant ones. Callee, the bull elephant that has fathered all of these baby elephants, was recently transferred to the Sedgwick County Zoo in Wichita, KS, where I have visited this year. Love that zoo! They hope that he will continue to grow their herd as he did here in Omaha. The zoologists mentioned that this is how it works in the wild…bachelor bull elephants have a herd of their own and tend to move on to another herd of female elephants after a time. Hopefully this sweet boy will be able to do his magic in Kansas as well. Anyhow, I took some photos of my newest love, Mopani, along with Sonny, his brother, and Eugenia, his sister. I got a few photos of the cheetahs and then a lioness who was hysterical snoozing in the sun on her back. Then a few close ups of the takin (the yak looking animal). There are even a few shots of a rabbit in my neighbor’s yard. He isn’t big on mowing and enjoys dandelions….and so does the little rabbit who stopped in the munch on them. Anyhow, if you aren’t infatuated with baby elephants, this may not be your post. You have been forewarned. :o)

Today is the feast of Pentecost….the birthday of the Catholic Church….and all Christian religions. After celebrating the Easter season for 50 days, we now celebrate the gift of the Holy Spirit. As Jesus was ascending into Heaven, He told his disciples that He would not leave them alone. He sent them the gift of the Holy Spirit. It was a dramatic event , that first Pentecost. If you know your Bible, there were tongues of fire on the heads of the believers and they were able to understand each other’s languages even though they were from different lands. In the Catholic Church, we are liturgical…we have seasons throughout the year and they are even color-coded! Pentecost is Red…for the Holy Spirit and the tongues of fire on that first Pentecost 2000 years ago. The priests and deacons don red robes and the vestments on the altar and around the sanctuary are red. The Church is ablaze with the Holy Spirit. I attended the Church of the Nativity in Leawood, KS this morning. The priest commented that if he didn’t know it was the feast of Pentecost, he would have thought it was a Chiefs Football Game Sunday. Most of the parishioners were wearing red. I thought a Husker game connection was in order, but then I remembered I was in Kansas. It was a beautiful, large church.

Do you listen to the Holy Spirit or do you just muddle through life in a rush everyday? This has been a deep and abiding blessing for me over the last several years. I have learned to listen to the Holy Spirit. You have to have your heart and mind open to it. A lot of people will pass things off as coincidence. I say it is a Godcidence….that God has put something or someone in your path for a certain reason. My friend Kelly calls it “A shove from the dove”….I call it shoulder taps. When a thought or action springs to your mind unbidden and you don’t know why….don’t hold back. It is perhaps the Holy Spirit talking to you. How do you know if it is the Holy Spirt or the devil whispering in your ear? Is it borne of love…that thought or action? That’s the Holy Spirit. So, my friends, don’t let the days whiz by as you work…work…work. Pause. Open your eyes and ears to things around you. Then open your mind and your heart and see what comes.

I also wanted to mention a bit about yesterday. I had the pleasure of spending the afternoon with my daughter-in-law, Michelle. We met at the Overland Park Arboretum and Botanical Gardens. We wondered around talking for a couple of hours and then had an early dinner and talked for a few more hours. There are several people in my life whom I just enjoy talking with and mostly listening to….because I just marvel at the way their brain works. Michelle has always been one of those people. I had a wonderful time just spending some one-on-one time with her. We will be empty nesters pretty soon. I have had a lot of alone time this weekend to reflect on Lily moving to KC….us moving to Montana….missing Joe…missing a lot of people in my life. Here are a few things I saw that I wanted to share with you.

I went to Walgreens and this statue was sitting outside the entrance. I immediately thought of Joe and Michelle. If they had met as little kids, I think it would have looked something like this. I even showed Michelle the photo when I saw her.

I went to Barnes & Noble yesterday morning. It was a HUGE one. I, of course, walked out of the wrong exit….not the one I walked into. If you know me well, this is a common occurrence. I have no sense of direction at all. I ended up walking all the way around the outside of the building. I was talking out loud to Joe because I could just literally hear him laughing at me. I began to think people were going to think I am crazy talking out loud with no one near me. I started thinking about how I would write letters to my Grandma Neitzke during the last years of her life. I looked up and this was the sign I saw. My Grandma Neitzke’s name was Ruby Jean. See? Keep your mind and heart open!!

While Michelle and I were walking around the arboretum grounds, we came across this statue, which with Lily heavy on my mind, made me think of her.

Lastly, there was an area where there were a ton of bird feeders. We could hear the cardinals and bluejays calling out to each other. Michelle and I saw a lot of cardinals. Do I think that is my Joe? No. I don’t think he is a bird. However, I do believe along with many others that people in heaven can send signs. I know that whenever I go to a zoo…any zoo…I almost always see a cardinal. I do always think of Joe sending me this beautiful bird to know he is close to me and to Michelle (as she was with me). He wanted us to know he was also there.