Happy 29th Birthday to my Joe

It is November 13th in Central Time Zone…where my Joe was born 29 years ago at Scott AFB, Illinois. I am really having a rough time this year. Last year we were able to see Michelle and their dogs….see his best friend, Zac, and go visit all the Olathe Fire Department stations with Kansas City Chiefs cupcakes for all his brothers and sisters with OFD. It was something little, but for us, it felt right. Today, one of the wonderful OFD firefighters Joe graduated with from the academy with went to the crash site and gussied up his roadside memorial. Michelle’s aunt had been by last month and put a fall wreath around the cross. James cleaned up the area and added more white rocks and also added black rocks in the shape of a cross. Joe would have loved it all. The accident happened in rural Colorado off of I-70, so it is not close to much of anything. These wonderful people drove hours to get there and then hours back home. They did this for my son, and I can’t thank them enough for their kindness.

I can’t tell you how hard it is to show these photos on my son’s 29th birthday. So I want to tell you a bit about when Joe was born…because like all of my children’s arrivals into my life, they are emblazoned in my heart and mind. When I was pregnant with Joe, I was on active duty as a nurse in the Air Force. Yep, Joe’s momma wore combat boots while she was pregnant. (I highly recommend it actually, as it has great ankle support). I worked up until the day he was born. I had been working nights most of my pregnancy, but was put on day shift on weekdays once I hit 38 weeks (a pregnancy is normally 40 weeks). We had found out early on that Joe would be a boy. Rich and I wanted to name him Joseph but Rich had a notion that if he was born with red hair (which we thought he probably would be) that we should name him something completely different. His name was going to be Dakota….Coty for short. I never really bought into that “plan B” option. So he became Joseph….red hair and all. In Italian families they seem to just choose a couple of boys names and reuse them over and over again. There are SO MANY Josephs in Rich’s family, namely his brother, his grandfather, and his uncle (and now several cousins’ kids). Matthew, Joe’s middle name came from my brother. His name is Craig Matthew. It was going to be Joseph Craig but we didn’t want him to ever be called JC….the name of a person we both knew in college who I was not too fond of. I liked Joseph Matthew because it was Biblical and it was a strong name. It fit him. We realized he would never be a Joey (that is what Rich’s brother went by….he kind of broke the mold), so we called him Joseph. Little did we know he would be dyslexic and writing Joseph on the top of all of his papers would be a lot for him. In 1st grade, we were living in Colorado Springs and he was taking Spanish classes. That year he went by Jose….it was shorter, after all. By the end of 2nd grade, he had moved schools and was going by Joe. That was so much easier and fitting.

I pray for Joe every night, just as I do my other kids. As I mention them each by name, I envision them as young children. I can feel their little bodies in a hug and the smooth skin of their faces against my cheeks. With my boys, I can also close my eyes and feel their adult faces with their scratchy facial hair and callused hands. We are huggers in our family, so I can still feel them if I close my eyes think hard enough. This is my mother’s heart….and I can still feel all my kids, even if they are not with me. I have had moments of panic over the last 20 months since Joe died that I would forget how he felt…but I haven’t. I can look at a picture of him and feel him immediately at that age…the smoothness of his skin, the feel of his hair…his tight squeeze. I so miss his voice….his smile….and his laugh. There are many days I can smile when I say his name and remember all his wild antics (and he had many); others, like today, it is just a heavy weight on my heart- on that is already broken. I have been a mom for 29 years now…but do not have a 29 year old to celebrate with. However, I celebrate the 27+ years we had with our Joe. He was larger than life while living and continues to be today. We will be honoring our Joe by making a donation to our volunteer fire department this week. I think I can probably speak for Rich when I say we feel very close to Joe when we are there….whether in training or on calls. We plan on honoring Joe by doing this volunteer firefighting. And like Joe, it has been such a gift to us. We have learned so much of the life he led professionally, and we have met so many good people at the station. So here are a few photos of my Joe. Please offer up a prayer for him today….for his brother, Tim, and sister, Lily, who are also missing him, and for his wife, Michelle. His friends are also honoring him today, and I so appreciate them keeping his memory alive. No one is truly dead until people stop talking about them. Happy birthday, Joe. I love you and I sure do miss you!